Writing a blog is a funny thing. Starting out as a form of therapy to help myself cope with a life now focused on IVF and the race to conceive before turning 45, Lifeslurper has grown and received some attention, both good and bad.
Life feels far less isolated, sharing this experience with others. It is gratifying to receive complimentary comments about my writing and thoughts. I also have the challenge of facing critical reactions as well. Overall, this blog has been a positive thing and certainly helps me to feel less alone in my infertility and in the world generally.
First and foremost I started this blog for my own selfish reasons; I wanted an outlet for a number of things I wanted to say. A by-product of recording these thoughts has brought about an unexpected result: I have started to actually enjoy the attention the blog is receiving. Does this sound at odds with the thoughts of confessed anti-social shut in?
Perhaps I am still to understand why having a little cyber attention is appealing, I will freely to admit to delighting in watching as the statistics have continued to grow over the last few weeks. Sure, it doesn’t have to mean that every visitor is actually reading or enjoying my posts, but my hope is that maybe a few are.
Maybe it all stems back to having always led a quiet reserved life avoiding attention. Perhaps it is something to do with being dominated by five older siblings as a child and never feeling like I had a voice? Quite definitely I have always associated attention with bad things; physical and mental abuse, school and work bullying and a host of other horrible life experiences. Certainly, I am the proverbial late bloomer and am now discovering that not all attention has to have negative connotations.
Be assured I receive quite a thrill with every comment and email received. To think that someone out there took the time to express their thoughts in response to what I have written is darn exciting!
The blogosphere uses a complicated form of rankings to decide on popularity. I am not sure I understand it fully, but the more links made to a blog from other blogs or various forms of social networking or Internet communities, the more widely viewed a blog will become. Reviews featured on various recommendation sites can boost the popularity of a blog substantially. Simply put; the greater the attention, the wider audience a blog can reach. Lifeslurper didn’t start out wanting to take over a small section of the blogosphere, but now that urge is undeniably there. Each day I turn on the computer with the hope of making the acquaintance of new people with whom I may have a shared experience. For the first time, I can actually feel myself welcoming other people into my life. It is truly amazing!
It was pure vanity that lead to me registering accounts with Technorati, del.ici.ous, twitter, plurk, digg and others. For the first time in my life I wanted to find the kind of popularity that has not been achievable elsewhere. I wanted others to notice me, to pay attention to me.
Yesterday I was stunned and momentarily confounded. My viewer statistics had gone through the roof, and the day was only a few hours old. Eventually I traced the source of the extra attention. It had come from social networking site StumbleUpon. Blogger DigitalFilipino had kindly mentioned Lifeslurper amongst her recommendations. Suddenly, many many more people dropped by. It was a truly thrilling few hours, waiting to see just where those figures would peak.
The additional attention, although welcomed has proven to be addictive. As with all social-networking for the tiny unknown blogger, the attention is only fleeting. The hoards quickly move on to even newer recommendations.
So the day after, I am left with my little corner of the blogosphere, my bid for fame fleeting. Still I can be sustained with comments and emails. That won’t stop me from secretly hoping for future mentions elsewhere.
Does my wanting approval make me a bad person? Can a little attention really be such a bad thing?
Like you, I generally avoid drawing attention to myself in my ‘real life’, but there’s something so gratifying about being heard while at the same time not facing the same possibility of rejection and disappointment you may encounter in your life. Blogs give us that. They are a safe outlet, which always makes me wonder: what if I had always conducted myself in ‘real life’ in the way I have on my blogs–unabashedly visiting others, letting them in on what’s going on with me without that fear? Perhaps I would know a community I had always dreamed of but was too afraid to seek out. Makes you wonder…
I completely understand the joy in receiving feedback on something you’ve written. Nothing brightens my day quite like new comments these days. I have to wonder just how vain this makes me, but then I remember that everyone commenting blogs too, so at least my vanity comes with good company.
You’ve got a great blog – you deserve the hits!
I am also an avoider of attention irl but there is something so safe and so enjoyable about internet attention! But let me just say that your blog is friggen awesome and I have only come here twice before but I am majorly addicted already. You should be extremely proud of your efforts and everyone of those hits should be worn like a badge of honour
I would love to share the link to your blog on an infertility site I hang out at but it is so personal and I would feel weird inviting someone else to read your personal thoughts iykwim. So does this blog entry mean that you are fine with a little extra attention aka a few more stalkers to read and share your journey just like I have been lol?
Gee, I am so relieved you guys get it.
I thought I’d made my usual hash of trying to express something big. Yes, I battle with getting any attention or praise. To receive acknowledgement we have to put ourselves ‘out there’ but to do so means all sorts of risks.
Blogs provide a certain amount of safety, and are certainly kinder than some of the previous Internet communities I have been involved with, such as newsgroups which seemed to disintergrate once the flamers and trolls moved in.
Like Amber, I grapple with my own vanity, of wanting attention but wanting to stay anonymous. Can I have it both ways? Maybe blogging can allow me to take the risks I never could in the so-called ‘real world’.
Shelby’s comments resonate completely with me. This makes me wonder about the community I have never afforded myself in my own day to life. What have I missed? However, could this platform allow me to find something far more enjoyable than I could ever have imagined. The possiblities seem so wonderful that they allay my usual in-built fears and reservations about human contact.
So yes Mel, I suppose it does mean I am okay about having more ‘stalkers’ LOL! Thing is, I am putting this blog out ‘there’ knowing I have no real control over where it goes and who sees it, and that is fine. I suppose my avoidant personality is over-ridden by the need to find a common link with others. The sharing of information and attempting to understand infertility is something that feels like it is becoming my higher goal. It is a risk, but I am prepared to take it.
Thank you everyone for your encouragement! It means everything!
Ur blog is extremely entertaining!Lovin it!
I just read this now… and I’m gonna go and stumble your blog!
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