lifeslurper

What I Know Then, If I Knew Now

We are on the eve of the twelve month anniversary of our first dealings with a fertility clinic.

 

Four failed IVF cycles are the most obvious souvenirs of almost one year of official up close involvement with ART. These occurred between January and August.

 

Are we wiser? Hopefully. Are we more informed about IVF? Partially. Are we poorer? Certainly. Are we any closer to becoming parents? Well, there is no real answer to that one.

 

Our time spent dealing with the arrival of ART into our lives has taught us many things. We made mistakes. We wasted time. We wasted effort. We wasted money. Most of all, we have wasted hope.

 

This has been a big year. We entered into life with ART thinking we knew what we were doing. Our first jolt into fertility clinic reality occurred when we realised how little we actually knew about the process. All the education, life experience, nothing could have prepared us for what was about to take place.

 

If I had the time over, I think I might have preferred to know that I was about to come face to face with the greatest information deficit I had ever experienced in my adult life. As a former information professional, this was a tough realisation.

 

We knew so little about ART. With everything we eventually learnt there’d be the discovery of another five things we had previously been unaware of and possibly needed to know. I admit I began to come down with ART Paranoia after the cancellation of our first cycle; we were side-swiped by the unexpected cancellation of the cycle before egg pick up. Prior to that, all we had known of was the risk of not having enough or any eggs collected. What we did not know was that the risk of this occurrence could lead to cycle cancellation before egg pick up. If we had been prepared for that possibility, we may have been better equipped to make useful decisions on that fateful day. The cranky nurse called and said our low follicle numbers fell below clinic guidelines, the cycle would be cancelled unless we insisted, but we had zero chance of success. We folded to pressure and ignorance. Should we have known we would only ever have low follicle numbers? A fleeting clinic directed promise of an immediate restart to our next cycle was all we needed for us to comply. The ovarian cyst resulting from that first long down regulated cycle stimulation would actually mean months of delay before a successive cycle was commenced. With menstruation being halted due to a cyst lead revolt we had fallen into a huge ART crack. Professor Doofus refused to treat the cyst, and in doing so created IVF grid-lock. The gap would have been even months longer had there not been a change of clinic and a change of fertility specialist.

 

The next crucial decision we would be asked to make was in regards to embryo transfer. At the end of our second cycle we made it into the waiting room before transfer before receiving a phone call to say our embryo had “arrested.” Eventually, while still at the clinic we would get to speak to an embryologist who would tell us that the transfer could indeed go ahead. Again, we were being asked to make a decision with very little to guide us. Our fertility specialist was unavailable for guidance and once again we were on our own. Again, we folded under the pressure of suggested low chances of success.

 

So what does it all mean?

 

For the next year I plan to remember the following:

 

Despite best efforts, no clinic, no fertility specialist, no nurse has as much vested in the success of this endeavour as Wobbles and I.

 

Trust our instincts. If we feel uncomfortable about any direct aspect of our treatment by the clinic, specialist or nurse, take action. Speak up, make changes, or complain.

 

Expect answers from the fertility specialist. They are providing an expensive, time consuming, life affecting service. If they are uninterested or unwilling to respond, accept that this will not bode well for their future performance.

 

Try to find ways to have timely, informative, fair and polite responses from the clinic. Where absent, consider if the clinic is worth continuing with.

 

If the clinic proves to be poor in its communication and administration accept that this will continue.

 

Study the costs carefully and be prepared to add 25 – 50% extra to cover related costs, such as additional testing right through to more practical considerations of travel and accommodation.

 

Expect that claims and refunds will be processed slowly at all times.

 

Understand that undergoing repeated IVF cycles is an endlessly harsh, emotionally and physically challenging process.

 

Nothing we learn from the clinic, fertility specialist or nurse will prepare us for the awfulness of life with ART.

 

Keep in mind fertility clinics, in the words of my beloved Wobbles are “about outcomes, not processes” find independent ways of overcoming this fact and the treatments will be made that little bit easier.

 

If you could go back, what would you tell yourself about what you have now learnt about ART and infertility?

 

What is the most important advice you could give yourself?