The Cult of Desperation

Our Last Chance Cycle will kick off soon. I have decided (with Wobbles’ approval) to do things a little different this time. I am calling on some extra help with the knowledge this might be a little controversial, and possibly a lot desperate.

It all probably amounts to too little too late as well.

Lifeslurper readily admits to being in need of an attitude adjustment when it comes to ART. Apparently, it is all that will help my elderly ovaries begrudgingly cough up some over cooked or sometimes even half-baked follicle producing eggs.

Without IVF we are stuffed. With it, we so far have nowhere. I am resentful. The fertility specialists tell us we have no hope, at the same time as they offer to sign us up for another cycle. I feel I am entered in a race that I am certain to have difficulty clearing the starting line.

IVF cycle five has been languishing in the ether since last August. The gap between cycles was never intended to stretch out so long, and has allowed enough time for many fears to creep in. Four widely unsuccessful cycles have left no room for doubt over the punishments ART can inflict; the waiting, the anxiety, the hopes raised, followed quickly by hopes dashed; the mistakes; the oversights; the costs; the time and more.

Battle weariness from the previous cycles has left me frozen with doubt. I just cannot fathom the concept of pushing myself through this process (again) knowing what it involves (pills, hormone injections, anaesthetics, surgeries, and travel just to name a few of the physical aspects of the deal) with the certain prospect of failure.

I feel so utterly exposed and physically ill prepared, despite having many months hiatus in which to prepare.

There seems little, beyond adopting a more positive emotional approach to events that I can do to change our poor ART outcomes. I think about this endlessly. I have examined this inside out and upside down, back to front and around again. I come up with little to assure myself that this could ever work beyond my temporarily relocating to a Lifeslurper reproductive Bizarro World where I might actually be good at this stuff!

So it has been the usual blend of panic and desperate searching on the Eve of Cycle. I have started the regular acupuncture sessions. Dug out the vile naturopathic potions for twice daily consumption, both in the hope of giving my age, body, attitude handicapped attempt at IVF some improved chance.

Since first setting foot in a fertility clinic, I have been taking my daily-recommended allowance of approved pre-conception vitamin and mineral supplements. Various online discussions that there were fairly direct alternatives to the clinic recommended brands led me on a Google search to find what else was out there. This continues my unconscious belief that the answer is just one more online search away.

In the interests of thoroughness, I looked further afield to see what was being said overseas. I found repeated references to one company, which rather intrigued me. Numerous references connected this brand to improved fertility, while others criticised the same company for its multi level marketing (MLM) approach to sales. Like with most things, this all left me a little hesitant. Did MLM arrangements necessarily preclude the products from being of sound quality? It was all a moot point anyway. The only time I feel envious of the American way of living is with the extent of consumer products available. The range of products, including books, vitamin supplements, and even retreats, all relating to fertility is breath taking. Sometimes I want things to be a bit slicker than my local naturopath or pharmacy can provide. Not that to be spoiled with choice would necessarily mean landing the perfect solution to my lack of fertility. Yet having a range to choose from might possibly assist me in feeling a little less hopeless.

A bit more digging, and I found the USANA products available within Australia, something I should have guessed with MLM. I have not become a convert, but I have ordered some of the range that others have suggested to be good for those with fertility issues. I expect them to arrive in the first post after Easter. It could be a big waste of my Wobbles’ hard-earned cash, sure. Yet from where I stand with this reproductive stuff, it seems I need to throw every last cent, effort and idea at it. It is experimental. It hopefully falls safely into the ‘can’t hurt category.’ All we can do is try.

A quick estimate helped me to figure to follow the full USANA regime would cost around $330 AU a month, so we will see how long and how deeply I can attempt this experiment. I will keep you posted.

Possibly the main reason for my zeroing in on the USANA are the recommendations given on both The Fertile Soul (Randine Lewis) and Fertile Heart (Julia Indichova) sites.

The plan is to consume the following;

Essentials
A high quality multi-vitamin and multi-mineral which supports overall pre-natal health (pre-natal vitamin replacement).

Biomega-3
Fish oil source of Omega-3 and Omega 6 Essential Fatty Acids (EFAs) which promotes cardio health and optimal neural growth.

Active Calcium
Calcium which encourages bone health.

Proflavanol-90
Antioxidant blend which helps maintain healthy immune function and circulation.

CoQuinone-30
CoQ-10 which aids cellular energy production and mitochondrial health, the mitochondria being the cell’s “powerplant” increases antioxidant protection
supports cardiovascular system.

It seems no direct claims of fertility enhancement is made on the USANA sites. This view has been taken up by others, some who are directly associated with the company.

Part of their appeal is claims that they are friendly to allergic souls like myself. So that is a start. They also specialise in hair and skin products which are low in chemical content, something I am always on the look out for. At the very least, I want some relief from allergic symptoms. Having more energy and a bit less depressed would be nice too. Having an IVF cycle that actually makes it to Embryo Transfer (ET) would be even nicer.

If USANA works for me, I will join their MLM cult as their poster girl. If nothing changes, our efforts to have a baby will have cost us that bit more.

In this ART business we all have to survive the best way we can. Having a late stab at vitamin and mineral supplements might be a convenient crutch for this last chancer, but without them, all I am left with is a wing, a prayer, lazy ovaries, and the hope of an ever loving man.