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Profile Lifeslurper resides in a big brown land called Auuustralia. Her early years remain a mystery cloaked in a veil of depression.
Age 42 Lifeslurper meets the vague but gorgeous Wobbles. “What took him so long to arrive?” She asks.
They make their way together in the world just fine, but are not fine to make a baby – not without some outside help. Enter ART and 2008 the year of 4 IVF cycles & one lousy big fat negative.
Lifeslurper is now 47 years old! Time for a baby is running out fast, so too is her sanity. Now it's 2011 - Lifeslurper & Wobbles have moved into top baby making gear. Donor Egg Cycles are the way to go, after a long pause to take stock after a glorious donor egg BFP & the subsequent loss. This year saw 2 cancelled FET cycles, & and menopause causing delays.
Where to from here? After 10 cycles Lifeslurper & Wobbles now await their WobblyBub who is due in May 2012 - actually make that...um....*sigh*...what's the point?
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There is nothing really to report on the baby-making front. Or, ‘our baby-making front amounts to nothing’ might be a more accurate statement.
It is dangerously close to that time marking twelve months ago when we were briefly deliriously happy about our pregnancy. That just seems like an eternity ago now.
These days my every waking thought (and all of my nightmares) are consumed by Other Stuff. Fearing I was close to breakdown or breaking point last week I finally got to have my long-awaited first therapy session. First therapy of this current storm, I should say. I am seeing a male psychologist. I was concerned at the thought of speaking to a male, especially if it meant talking of infertility woes. The joke there is that I often find it hard to speak to women about this topic anyway. Embarrassed about my age, embarrassed about my hopes, embarrassed about revealing even more things I seem destined to fail at. Continue reading The Hollow Lifeslurper
Remember me, Lifeslurper?
I have not forgotten you. I hope you will not have forgotten me. Not just yet?
I am still here. I just haven’t been a very good blogger or bloggy pal of late.
Right now, it seems babies are further away then they have ever been. It should not be that way, but that is the truth. Continue reading Still Here……
Venturing to Big City, we made a quick sweep of Wobble’s favourite fresh food and produce market in the search of a variety of cheeses. Yes, my skinny Wobble does his best to remind me of my dairy intolerance which is laced with addiction and is now being avoided completely by this Lifeslurper. I could not see Journey Mum at the market, even though I was looking. We also toured our favourite bookstores, as what this household really needs is more books. Yes, we really do need more books, even though another house move is in order to find space for these voluminous tomes. [Note: Please help us…we have a serious book problem – both of us facilitating the other’s problem further by the bringing home of more and more books….]
As bit of a detour from our usual cultural outings, we journeyed to the huge semi-underground IMAX to see a 3D film. Which film you ask? Tron: the Next Generation Legacy Gate (or whatever it was called) was chosen by sci fi loving Wobbles. I cope with science fiction films marginally better than those of Wobbles’ usual war-related fare, but only just. Continue reading The Wobbletron Cycle
It is true. I’ve come to feel like a bit player in my own life.
It is also true that while ttc and IVF seems like a convenient scapegoat, it would be pointless to lay blame entirely on this project that has underlined our lives over the last four years.
Slowly, the realization that we are utterly without a say in our future baby fate has arrived. It is liberating and debilitating at once.
As time marches on toward the estimated due date of our lost Baby Wobbles, my own focus has been about finding some sense of control and participation in my own life, while letting go of my own insignificance in those things over which I can have no say – no matter what the circumstances. Continue reading The ART of change
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