lifeslurper

Does prolonged exposure to the rigours of infertility necessarily destroy a relationship?

Can love die for the want of a baby?

When hope is lost, what is left?

These last few months after loss have been unspeakably hard. So much has happened since another Baby Wobbles left us. It has largely been the same old by now very familiar drill: suppress all grief, anger and sadness. Just keep going regardless. Continue reading You Can’t IVF What You Want

‘Hold on to me!’ He said with some urgency.

So I did. More tightly than I could remember doing in any of the previous five years. Then I wept some more, thus continuing the pattern of virtually every day for the last four weeks.

I am at a loss to really explain to Wobbles what is going on. I feel fearful. I find it hard to imagine better times. I cannot seem to control my emotions. I am more anxious than I can ever recall.

There is worse still. I think I have reached that place I never thought I would. Continue reading Lifeslurper’s Tipping Point

Three days spent alone immediately after news of an early end to pregnancy is a sure-fire method to become acquainted with isolation.

My only direct communications were Wobbles’ many phone calls and Twitter. There were three short impersonal calls from the nurse. I had single interactions with my mother, my GP and the woman at pathology. Continue reading What Becomes of the Broken ARTed?

Just three days ago, I decided being pregnant must have caused temporary insanity. Laying face down on the acupuncture treatment table as flat as my swollen belly and enlarged breasts would allow I became aware of a thudding in my stomach. It was out of synch with my feel of my heart beating in my chest. There and then I decided it was the feel of Baby Wobbles fledgling heart beating strongly. My IVF delirium had officially reached its zenith.

Afterwards I excitedly told a nervous Wobbles about my experience. He had decided to work at home for a few days, meaning we could wait out time until the additional blood test together. It helped to have him here. I set about working on the essay that has been refusing to go away throughout this latest IVF Cycle. My goal was to have it completed before the next set of results were in. That way I would have one less stress hanging over my head. In the back of my mind, I feared a possible bad result dooming the essay to never being completed. Continue reading 6 weeks 1 day