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On the face of things, my fertility specialist and hairdresser have very little in common. Their work involves distinctly different regions of the body. Their skills potentially contribute to vastly different outcomes.
Heartbreak on admittedly varying scales can often be the most obvious result of their desire to experiment or use creativity.
At this stage of my life, I need my hairdresser almost as much as I need my fertility specialist. Until my body manages to produce bar-coded mucus, Lifeslurper has not got much hope of understanding her own fertility – or lack thereof.
Is it too much to ask of medical science to create a special barcode reader for female mucus? A reader that is attached to its own measurement tool not unlike the DEFense readiness CONdition (DEFCON) used by the United States Armed Forces to describe activation and readiness levels wouldn’t go astray either! DEFCON 5 describes standard peacetime protocol, while DEFCON 1 represents expectation of actual imminent attack. RUMpy PUMpy requirement (RUMPUM) measurement would automatically tell us when it is time to “go for it” or “don’t bother,” unless of course there is a compelling interest or reason why you might actually want to, outside of this whole baby making routine stuff. Once upon a time in a fertility clinic waiting room far far away Lifeslurper was drawn to a picture book sitting atop of the children’s toy box. The beautifully illustrated book told the tale of Sleeping Beauty, a princess who at birth was honoured with precious gifts from fairy godmothers. And where one wicked fairy cast an enchantment over the princess deciding how on reaching adulthood, the princess would prick her finger on a spindle and die. Fortunately a good fairy was watching over the princess and commuted her sentence to one hundred years of sleep. From there she would only awake after the kiss of a prince’s son. |
  
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