Today I have been clearing up the visual reminders of IVF. Seems every time we do a cycle the house becomes littered with paper work, FSH boxes, medical swab wrappers and the boxes that the FSH pen needles are packaged in. Perhaps if we could learn to become tidier we could make this stuff work for us? So far IVF hasn’t worked for us. Not physically, Not emotionally. After four cycles we have probably achieved our worst (or second worst) result. It doesn’t look like it will ever work for us.
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The equation goes something like this:
X follicles divided by Z ultrasounds plus ? mm expected daily growth injected with 47 subcutaneous 0.5ml antagonist from Day 6 less 3 Clomid headaches multiplied by Wobbles’ optimism diminished by my negative thoughts add a touch of our combined hopes and dreams balancing on the point of devastation equals zero eggs.
Clearly mathematics is not my strong point. Nor is follicle production for that matter.
Yesterday the mood around my Day 8 ultrasound was sombre. While Lifeslurper is never known to display great hope, the thought of the all singing all dancing antagonist cycle protocol had brought some secret thoughts of improvements in this broken down chemical ridden egg factory. Make no mistake, IVF is a young women’s game. And yet it seems hard enough on them. So what happens when you have an unsuccessful end to your third round of IVF at age 43 years and ten months?
I feel utterly convinced that I am messing around with something quite inappropriate for my age. Trying to conceive, let alone attempting IVF seem as at odds with my age as my wearing the current fashions of 19 year olds. Take a guess at how awful I’d look in low slung jeans, a midriff baring tee-shirt, tan foundation, pale pink lipstick and Paris Hilton peroxide hair extensions (or whatever the young ‘uns are wearing today)? It would not be a pretty site. No matter how much I tried to adapt it to my needs, I would still be horribly and noticeably out of style. |
  
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