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On the face of things, my fertility specialist and hairdresser have very little in common. Their work involves distinctly different regions of the body. Their skills potentially contribute to vastly different outcomes.
Heartbreak on admittedly varying scales can often be the most obvious result of their desire to experiment or use creativity.
At this stage of my life, I need my hairdresser almost as much as I need my fertility specialist. Or should that read; I visited Laparoscopy and all I got was this lousy infection? It is over a week since my lap. Even now I am not even sure if I actually had the suggested d&c. Ever since IVF entered my life, it has prompted an unofficial stock-take of my femininity. The absence of a pregnancy tells me my body is failing in this, the ultimate of female talents; to create live and give birth. For months on end I have been pumped full of medicines via injection, spray and tablet. These drugs are designed to invariably suppress, or stimulate my brain and ovaries into certain medically controlled actions. Four IVF cycles have seen my body fail to do what it should do naturally on its own. Medically assisted or on my own, my body is confirming a lifetime of doubt over the subject of my own femininity. Continue reading IVF is a feminine issue It seems any discussion of an IVF cycle must take place with the mandatory asterisk.
We talk in terms of ‘If the drugs work’, ‘Maybe we will get to egg pick up’ and ‘But what if there is no embryo to transfer?’ It is all just so tentative. We tip toe around as if too afraid to say; “When we have pick up, and get a number of eggs that will make enough quality embryos for transfer….’ Such IVF confidence is beyond us.
For us there has to be an imaginary asterisk attached to every statement that must include all the ‘ifs’, ‘buts’ and ‘maybes’ so as not to alert the IVF gods to any unwarranted signs of confidence or the remotest hint of ease with this whole unyielding process. Continue reading The Ifs, Buts and Maybe of the IVF Asterisk |
  
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