Everyday I rejoice at my good fortune at meeting the delightful Wobbles. Seems we are a pretty good fit. So we met when I’d endured close to the twenty years of lonely single living punctuated with a progressively worse group of waster, loser, user, liar, and scoundrel men.
Before I happened upon Wobbles, I had finally accepted my fate; I had to take care of myself and my own future. I needed to look to things that would – as I faced my forties – be good for me. Eventually I realised the men I chose where a direct reflection on how I had become to view myself. No wonder I was being mistreated and had grown accustomed to living without respect.
Continue reading Resisting the IVF struggle
With the arrival of every new calendar year comes that gaping sense of hope and possibilities, yet when you are in the midst of an infertility situation that no one (except an ever loving partner) see any chance of success, optimism is normally measured out in small doses.
This year is still in its infancy, yet so far it seems to be about endings.
Lifeslurper has a new home, the old run-down Camp Wobbles is no longer and the most enduring love of my life has gone. Both events coincided, as if to make what was always going to be a painful transition just that bit more straight forward.
Continue reading Goodbye sand dunes!
Well it is now over a month since our latest IVF cycle not so much ended with a bang, but died with a whimper. Wobbles and I are still scratching our heads as to which way to go. We are officially on the clinic’s donor egg top 100 list, languishing somewhere near the end of that number. The marching on of time means we are compelled to keep trying with our own eggs, and hope we turn up a non-‘degenerate’ one or eventually are in receipt of a donated version.
Continue reading Turning to Dorothy the Dinosaur and Thomas the Tank Engine
Post Cycle Anxiety Disorder?
Teddy Lifeslurper wondered if the Crinone brand extensions had been a wise choice.
Is there such a thing as ‘post cycle anxiety disorder?’ If there isn’t already then I have just coined a name for what is probably a common condition.
Five spectacularly unsuccessful IVF cycles down and some strange things have been happening. I feel different to what I did before, and here was me priding myself on my ‘superior’ knowledge of self. I am at a loss to really describe the situation with any clarity.
I have become vague, worse than what usually occurs a few days in on a stimulation cocktail of FSH injections and Synarel nasal spray. I am word searching all the time. I speak and not only the words but the entire topic goes completely from my mind. A mind as empty as my womb. What is happening? I have seriously been wondering if I had some kind of breakdown or if I am heading straight from IVF to Alzheimers.
Sure, I live with depression, but this is something else. I have a sense of panic in most things I do, even the most simple of tasks. Feelings of being overwhelmed when deciding what to cook for dinner, which lane to drive in, and which supermarket register to line up at. Actually, I feel a complete loss at most things these days.
It is easy to blame IVF for everything. I know I do blame IVF for most things. Here at the Lifeslurper Spa Resort it has become a favourite comment; borrowing from the old ‘letters to the editors’ featured in newspapers of yore, before the days of online comments when it was popular to include the line; “…of course, I blames the government” somewhere in the body of the letter. Here we say; “I blames the IVF!” as a response to any event such as when the tea bag supply runs low, or when a light globe blows. It is quite convenient to have a handy scapegoat ready.
Yet something more seems to be amiss. Continue reading Post Cycle Anxiety Disorder?